Open Secrets

Peer pressures, sibling bonding lead children to fall prey to drugs

Tue, 20 Sep 2005 11:46:16 +0200

(Please note this is information gathered when I was in Nepal a year ago)

A small group of youngsters gather in a small corner, away from the hustle and bustle of the crowd in Dillibazar. They pass a packet and a bottle among themselves. All of them pop in a small tablet and gulp it down with alcohol.

Suddenly the appearance of a boy hushes the group. The boy comes straight to his brother and asks him to come home. Instead, the elder one persuades his sibling to join the group and imitate the seniors.

"My brother told it was fun to have the tablet so I tried it out," said 13-year-old Sanjiv Ghimire, after taking a tablet. When he talked to me he was already under the influence of the drug, and was having a "kind of weird feeling"

The case of Ghimire brothers’ is just an example of how a druggist in a family influences other members, especially his own siblings. A major reason for the ever-increasing number of druggists is linked with the transfer of habit from elder siblings and same age cousins. Experts warn that parents who have a druggist in the family need to take utmost care to save the younger ones from falling into the trap.

Ivana Lohar of Richmond Fellowship Nepal - a rehabilitation centre - says that the children are at risk in their own homes, if anyone of their cousins or siblings gets hooked on to drugs.

"When a brother or sister catches a druggist sibling, generally the user is successful in convincing the younger one to be a part of it, and not to expose the secret," she sad.

Ghimire is an example of how the elder sibling can impress the youngsters. "I know it is bad to take drugs but if my brother is taking it then it shouldn’t be that bad," says Sanjiv Ghimire. "I gave him the tablets so that he would not reveal my secrets to our parents," said elder Ghimire defiantly, but requested not to reveal his name.

When a kid starts spending more time outside; remains aloof; and sulks for minor issues, the parents should keep a close watch eyes on him. Sometimes parents can even know the secret from the younger kids who are not as careful in keeping it.

For instance, Druba Shahi (name changed on request) found out about his son’s habit when a strip of antibiotic tablets fell from his younger son’s school bag. "I was shocked at first," he said. Later, Shahi discovered that his elder son was also into drugs.

"From my experience, I think parents need to be aware that their children can begin taking drugs from anywhere," he said. He also added that to avoid children getting hooked to drugs, parents need to provide a homely and happy environment.

"You need to maintain understanding with your children so that they do not even think about drugs as a way to become free," he adds.

"Chances are high that there is more than one drug user in the family,’ said Jagdish Lohani of Youth Vision, a rehabilitation centre. "In a family where there are lot of cousins of the same age, generally it is seen they take the drugs together."

Experts working with drug users say that this tendency is seen because siblings of the same age are more like friends. However, the sad part is that once two members of the same family take drugs, they unite instead of helping each other to get rid of the habit.

Lohani attributes the drug problems with the changed social structure, nuclear family and working parents. "Due to the busy working schedule of the parents, the kids’ changed habits pass unnoticed and later it becomes too late for correction," he said

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Morality clashes with safety: Should a woman carry condoms?

Mon, 12 Sep 2005 14:48:56 +0200

Please note this was published in The Kathmandu Post, August 1, 2003.

Unlike even a decade ago, Nepal’s youth are no longer shy when it comes to pre-marital sex. A 1999 survey by Valley Research Group showed that one in every four adolescent admitted to having their first sexual experience at age 16.

While education and growing encroachment of pop culture riding on the back of satellite television and films have contributed to changing sexual mores, teens and the young are also becoming more aware of sexually transmitted diseases. This awareness is slowly being translated into safer sex practices, such as using condoms.

A result of this awareness is that, more and more young people are now carrying condoms in their pockets or purses. Among them are a growing number of young women who often carry condoms in case their partner forgets.

An example is Sushma Chhettri. The 22 year old who is in a stable relationship often tucks away a few condoms in her purse, just in case. "I find it more convenient than relying on my partner. Sometimes he forgets, so it’s better if I have a spare."

Chhettri adds that most of her friends carry their own prophylactics too. "With the threat of diseases like HIV/AIDS, couples are thinking ‘safe sex’ and the condom is considered as one of the best prevention of this disease."

The uninitiated may call the likes of Chhettri and her friends as women with loose morals, but experts say it is indeed an encouraging trend that many young women are choosing to take control of their own lives, especially their sexual rights. And in the process, they are protecting not just their lives but also of their partners. But such women are still tiny in numbers, thanks to a rigid and heavily patriarchal society.

Sociologists who are only now beginning to notice the trend say, a deeply conservative society such as Nepal’s will not support such behaviour without some radical change in social mores.

"It is a positive sign," concedes sociologist Dr Krishna Bhattachan of Tribhuvan University, referring to women carrying condoms. "But until there is a behavioural change, the society will not support this…In Nepal, when a girl is found to carry a condom, her parents, relatives or friends can place pressure on her and inflict mental torture."

Dr Bhattachan added that it was necessary for campaigns to address these issues. "Just promotion of condoms will not solve the problem. Other aspects need to follow side by side." He argues for education of women, more career opportunities and ensuring a secure environment.

Just how difficult it is for women is illustrated by this true account: A few weeks ago, Sita Adhikary (name changed on request) was travelling on a bus to Jawalakhel. When she opened her purse to get some money to pay the conductor, a few packets of condoms fell out from her bag. Two people sitting behind her began harassing her. "They asked me why I was carrying so many condoms," says Adhikary. "I told them it was for myself."

Incidentally, one person was a policeman. "He spoke to me in harsh tones and embarrassed me in front of everyone," she adds. "Even a lady sitting nearby joined in by calling me a bhalu (prostitute)."Incidences such as this show just how difficult it is for young women to carry condoms. "Why can’t they think that it is actually a good thing that women carry condoms instead of looking at it in a bad sense," questions Adhikary. "After all we are conscious of safe sex and we want our families to be healthy as well."

What often happens is that, when women carry condoms they are thought to be in the sex trade, and treated accordingly. The harassment towards women has made the jobs of organisations working for safe sex through condom promotion hard.

"Some women do not want to use condoms for fear of harassment from the police and other people," says Bharat Raut of General Welfare Pratishthan, an NGO working in the field of HIV/AIDS prevention. However, Kuber Rana, Superintendent of Police based at Hanuman Dhoka denied any incidences of harassment. "Maybe during checking at night the police do harass the women but there have been no reports," he said.

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Not-so white cartigan and no more sports!

Sat, 10 Sep 2005 06:43:51 +0200

There are many things that you cannot do as a Nepali girl. In some aspects, Nepal is a lot freer and I will talk about this in detail some other time. But, today the focus will be on the conservative side. Having lived in Adelaide, Australia for three years (between the age of 13 and 16) I did not realise how much changes there would be in Nepal once you become a 'woman' or 'young girl'.

My family left for Nepal in the beginning of 1999. I had heard some stories of Nepali society from the 'didi's' that lived in Adelaide so I thought I would give an impression of a 'modern' yet respectible Nepali girl. I made sure I carefully chose my outfit for the day I arrived in Nepal. I chose a white cartigan over a tight blue top and fairly tight jeans. I made sure I double checked with my mum to seek her approval. It was 'respectable'. So, with the outfit and looking forward to a lot of uncertainity I arrived at Tribhuvan International Airport. My first experience coming out of the airplane (we travelled Singapore I think after Royal Nepal Airline (RNAC) went on one of those famous 'strikes') was a big gust of hot dusty air swepting through me leaving a powdery brown on top of my white cartigan. I took a note, 'no more white clothes in Nepal for sure'. So, I then walked towards the immigration place, now with a now not-so-white top. I think my clothes did work because I did not recieve any sneers from my family in Nepal. Indeed, one wrong impression had been cleared, you did not have to wear daggy clothes - fashion was acceptable in Nepal.

Settling into the warm months in Kathmandu, I started my A levels at a school in Kathmandu. There are many new things I discovered during the year or so I studied there but then again that is a story for a different day. Anyway, during those first months, we (my brother, sister and me) used to gather all the little kids from around our house and from the school in our house (another long story) and play soccer. It was evenings full of great fun where we used to win these little kids. I was good at cheating (okay, okay its sad i know) by lifting these kids up and managing to steal the ball from under them. We would fight, break a few windows but all in all, we had an excellent time. But then, one day my grandmother called me up into her room. I wondered what it might be, maybe she was going to give me some yummy titaura or money (she did do that often). No, it was infact a talk on how 'inappropriate' it was for me, as a young 'respectable' women (a women? what? I was just a kid of 16!) to play soccer with all the 'galli ko keta haru' (men in the street.....men? they were just little kids!). Anywayz, she gave me a serious talk and said it was time for me to think about how such activities were 'inappropriate' for my age. So, from that day, my brother played the sport and I just watched in on tv or played at school (what she didnt know wouldnt hurt her!).

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Hi

Tue, 06 Sep 2005 04:01:28 +0200

Hi Everyone!
First, I would like to thank you for visiting this site.
I just want to give a brief backgroud of this blog and what I hope to achieve. Nepal today, and when I say Nepal, I talk about the 'modernised' nepal, is facing a social crisis. On one hand we are trying to preserve our culture and heritage but we still want to move with the world today. This has caused lots of confusion amongst the youth as they try to find an identity that encorporates Nepali and 'global' values.

When I came to Nepal after living in Australia, I was surprised with how rapidly Nepali society is changing. It was an interesting journey for me in those five years to find my identity as a Nepali. I dont think I have still discovered this. It is a continuing process.
I am not even sure what defines a 'Nepali'. For instance is a youngster that has grown up abroad, doesnt speak Nepali yet follows the religious customs as much a Nepali as a youngster in Kathmandu that speaks Nepali yet does not give a damn about religous customs? It is very hard to say. However, instead of focusing what is right and wrong, I think this blog should bring out the issues, the difficulties and struggles within Nepal and even for those living abroad as they adjust to new societies and ways of life.
I encourage everyone to give their comments and ideas. This is a forum for all of us to try and hopefully understand the Nepal of today.
Thankyou, Suvecha Pant

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